Superwoman And the Telephone

Here we go again..

Yes please boss, just keep em coming, just load the damn pile on my desk and yes, I can do everything AND everything and no thank you, I don't need a break. Nor do I need any assistance of any kind whatsoever. Oh by the way, I don't sleep at night, So yes, you can call me anytime. Oh, please, yes please..give me more to do. Because, just as you think, I am Superwoman.

!!!!!!

I am, at wits end with my workload. I have a proposal to send to a client due tomorrow which I am near completing except that I think the proposal is CRAP. I have another proposal due in 20 days for an overseas project, of which I have only been briefed on to-f***ing-day and which requires me to be in Singapore every other week, till that day and as whip cream and cherries on top, they announce that right after that, I have another proposal to work on which is due July 15th. Work with passion, they say. M.Y F.O.O.T!

How lah? How lah? How do I do this???? We are short of people and there's just so much to do! But the fact is, as much as I'd like to help save the company (and the day), I only have two hands, two feet, 1 brain and like others, only 24 hours are granted by the Almighty, to moi in one day. I am at a complete dead-end. I know I have to plan stuff and strategize my work but my brain has gone solo and decided to shut down at mid-day. SO I guess, the only other best thing to do right now is to blog.

I do think though that I am beginning to lose some nerves, and with it, my normal sanity level has disappeared. I have, over lunch, contemplated a job in McDonalds, but N argued that Burger King is better, N Junior thinks I'd do well at the zoo, which is just behind our home, to be specific. He wants me to be the zoo train driver! The only other job that I would like is to be a receptionist, cos talking on the phone is always fun isn't it? But alas, I do think my phone manners are a bit off and I do have a bit of history (and I'm not speaking in terms of "glory") in the field.

Just yesterday, I was negotiating some terms over the telephone with one of our major vessel suppliers. He was, to me rather unreasonable, so after the conversation ended, I spoke my mind aloud saying, "a**hole" referring to him. That would have been ok, if only I had remembered to put down the phone first! I am praying hard that he didn't hear or else I am sure he'd wish for lightening to strike me someday!(remember to count to ten, ANEDRA, everytime after you put down the phone. THEN, curse to high heaven if ya like!)

The day before, I was on the phone with a Japanese counterpart and I was standing as I spoke to him. What's with these Japanese I don't know, it's either they are overly polite, or they think we are deaf that they have to repeat their thank yous over and over again. Yesterday's conversation with this Japanese friend was no different and ended with a million thank yous.

JapanFriend : Thank you Ms ANEDRA
Me: Thank you too.
JapanFriend: Thank you
Me: Ok
Japan Friend: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Me (at the same time): Ok. You're welcome. No problem. Yes. Fine. Yes. Ok. Yes. sayonara.

And finally, i just slammed the phone down on him, or else it would've never ended! The thing is, all the while through the thank you's I could imagine him bowing at me ala Japanese style. And the thing IS, I was all the time PHYSICALLY and actually bowing down profusely, to my PHONE! I guess I was not imagining it when I saw my colleagues giggling away outside my room!!

Actually, come to think of it, this is nothing new. Many, many years ago while I was still studying, I was called back by the company that sponsored my studies to work during the summer. So, it was normal then for us the kuli-macai to do everything and anything (I suspect, for preparation to become Superheros at the workplace later), as they instructed us to. I found myself one day at the reception table, greeting visitors and answering telephones. The job was pure bliss, I tell you. For not only was I able to answer phones, I could also catch up on my reading which at that time, was romance novels.

One fine day, I was engrossed in one romance novel, the kind that you just can't put down. I was at the very climax of the story, at the point where the male hero was about to pop THE question; when the phone rang. My mind was still on the book and also on auto mode (again), so, I picked up the phone and answered, "Good afternoon, XXX Berhad. WILL YOU MARRY ME?" There was a long pause on the other end. I only realised what I had said, seconds later, but it was too late. The man on the other end cleared his throat, and said "errr..Thank you, but I don't think my wife would be very happy if I accepted".

So, I guess my reputation as a receptionist is not that good. And of course, it has been market talk since that, "She has some "history"! So here I am, doing bl**dy proposals and everything and everything else that no one else can or wants to do. Complain all I want. Choices I have, but it is also by choice that I am here. The fact is, I love this place, I love my work most of the time but not today and it is highly possible that I signed my contract in blood. Thus, with this ship I shall sail and with it I shall sink too!

Oh well, back to work it is then!

Just a thought. If I have to be Superwoman, can I please wear the suit too??

Of Lazy Bums and Smelly Arm Pits

My sons love LRT rides. When we are out of ideas on what to do during the weekends, we just take them on the LRT from one end of the line to the other, and they will be happy till the next weekend.

Last weekend, we took the LRT again. This time with more purpose and objective; ie to teach our Bibik how to take the LRT to KL Sentral and switch to the Komuter, all the way to where Bibik's hubby is for her monthly weekend off.

This train ride however, was not so pleasant. While we normally are very early to take the LRT, last week, due to last minute plans, we were stuck right smack with the weekend crowd.

I noticed that the advertisement on teaching "masyarakat Malaysia" to be more "perihatin", was not so untrue and that Malaysians still have a lot to learn. There we were, 5 of us, Bibik 1, Bibik2, Me, my 4 year old, N junior and 3 year old, Baby N. In western countries (I normally HATE to use western countries as examples), when people see such an "entourage"; people would immediately get up and offer their seats, like its the most propoer thing to do, just like brushing your teeth in the morning. To my dismay, the Malaysians that I am normally so proud of are not like our Western friends. Good manners, on the LRT, I am horrified to announce is NON-EXISTENT.

We got on a coach at the Setiawangsa Station, that was packed to the brim that there were hardly any poles and rails or whatever to hold on to. All the seats were taken by healthy looking Malaysians, who looked like they were capable of standing up and opening their mouths to offer us seats. And yet, they just looked at us non-chalantly, and I know they were looking cos I could see them glancing at us from the corner of their eyes. (And I bet in their minds, they were could see re-runs of that LRT advert on TV). I would have liked to think and believe that the LRT commuters were all blind and that they could not see us, but that's not true, they might as well have been though! No one offered us seats, and no one offered us poles to hang on to and we ended up doing our level best trying to stand, trying out balancing acts, so that we wouldn't end up flat on our faces in the KL LRT.

I felt utterly and downright disgusted. Is this the masyarakat penyayang that Malaysia has been harping about? Is this is our Vision 2020? We should have wardens on those LRTs with a rotan. Yes, just give those lazy asses a whip or two, teach them a lesson. Better still, we should have those electric-buzz-shocker things and get some wardens buzz-shock people off their seats for being so inconsiderate.

In the end, just like in the advert, an old Chinese lady stood up, walked up to us and offered Baby N and Bibik a seat. We were just one stop away from KL Sentral, so we declined, thanked her and got off.

I am not done.

WHAT'S WITH THE SMELL????

On the same ride, I was stuck right smack under the arm pit of some man (which is normal, due to my rather "petite" height), who smelled as though he hadn't taken a bath for two months. This was not the first time. I have had many experiences like this, not only in LRTs but in the office, at the malls....everywhere! I know it's a hot country and I know that to sweat is only human. But someone invented deodorants for a reason and Malaysians need to discover the use of it!! Normally, when I am stuck in such situations, I'd move places, switch seats to some place where I can breathe. But this time, I had no where to run! I just held my breath for what seemed like the longest time and prayed that he'd get off soon. He did, but the smell seemed to linger on and for the rest of the day, I had to nurse a really bad migraine.

N Junior, was less tolerant than I was and being "loud" as he is; he just said "HEY MAMA, WHY SO SMELLY? WHAT'S THIS SMELL???" very loudly, while BABY N just scrunched up his nose, looking very, very ill. (I know..I know.. I have to teach N Junior better manners!)

As I write this, I can still smell, the smell of the LRT man. He is not the only one for there are millions of others out there who need to be "educated" on this. How do we teach our people to make an effort to smell nicer?

Maybe our government should make deodorants a free-issued thing? Maybe we should include this as part of the curriculum in schools?? Maybe, the next time I take an LRT ride, I'll bring some spray-type deos and a rotan with me in absence of my electric-buzz-shocker-tool.

Can someone please tell me where I can buy an electric-buzz-shocker-thing??

Buzz!Buzz!

When I Was 64

It was 8.30pm when I called Dad today. When I spoke to him over the phone, he was talking about some Beatles song, he even sang a line of it, but forgot and is now looking for the lyrics. I've never heard of it..but of course, what do you expect??? BEATLES what?? Same as that what Humperdink-thing fella? Same generation, left with the sixties?

Anyways, I looked through the web, and I think this was what Dad was looking for!



WHEN I AM SIXTY FOUR
When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.
If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door,
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.

You'll be older too,
And if you say the word,
I could stay with you.

I could be handy, mending a fuse
When your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings go for a ride,
Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.

Every summer we can rent a cottage,
In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera Chuck & Dave.

Send me a postcard, drop me a line,
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.
____________________________________________________________________________________

And I WILL Feed you Dad - DINNER tomorrow night, ON ME!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA!!!

Lots of love, love, love

Oh Duck!

Recently, in the morning operations meeting at the office, Our Project Director, Mr. C, announced that swearing shall be allowed, in the interest of stress release. As a bit of background to the office where I work, it is one where you find 90% men 10% women and where most of us are of offshore background ie. sea-men, captains,offshore engineers etc..etc.. And we are in the midst of big-time operations offshore and stress level is at an all time high.

When I joined the company 5 to 6 years back, swearing was unheard of; at least in front of us ladies. It was a time when the office was still relatively small and we were relatively new in the industry and the team comprised 99% Malaysians and 1% foreigners. We still had a lot of Asian values then, no swearing and very polite.


Things are a bit different now. Why? Well, we have grown into a big set up. Probably the biggest of its kind in Malaysia. And with growth, more Mat Salleh's came in, Mr C included (disclaimer: despite the F words, Mr C is nice) bringing in change that was needed and the four letter word, that was NOT needed

Now back to Mr C's little announcement. So, it's not unusual these days that we hear that four letter word in the office. The women folk still don't use it...in public. But for the men now, it is norm.

So now we find ourselves in morning meeting with discussions that sound atrociously vulgar. For example:

Chairman : So how was our progress yesterday?
Head of Ops: Not too good. Waiting on F***ing weather again.
Mr C : F***. And did the flanges we order arrive on time?
Mr Procurement : F***. Don't look at me. It took a F***ing long time for the project team to make a F***ing decision.
Mr C : I told you to buy the F***ing flanges anyway.
Project Manager : Oh, f*** it.
Me (in my mind) : What the F***?

One comes out from those meeting all fired up either in a good or bad way, meaning either more stressed or less stressed. I don't see how this swearing thing works in stress relieving and what positive value it adds to our working days. It could possibly be that the sayer (person saying it) relieves stress, but those listening just get all worked up for no reason! Well, at least we, in the office, are of a younger generation and we're more or less tuned to this sort of language. I can just imagine my mother sitting in one of those meetings. She'd just faint a million times over! She thinks that "SHIT" is a bad word! But then again, she thinks that "footsie" = "futsal"?? (ha!ha! but I'll blog about that later!)

Unfortunately, yours truly has been infected by the F*** virus too. I am what you could call a closet swearer. I swear when I am on my own, rarely in front of people as long as I can help it. (Not an excuse, I know..) I have been around these men too much for far too long, I think. And I suppose, I can't keep it closeted for so long, for I have also fallen victim to the "melatah" illness. So instead of going "OPOCOT!!!", I go "OH F*** F***!" these days. N thinks its cute, he's one of the offshore men anyway, he just would think its cute wouldn't he?

I have to stop though cos N Junior has picked up this language from me. We were in the car one day and I drove over a big pothole and said "Oh F***!". N Junior said, "What's F*** Mama?" I was stunned for a while and felt so bad for teaching my four year old the four letter word. I told him, he was imagining things and that I never said anything, for lack of a better excuse. He was a bit suspicious though and kept bringing it up during the rest of the day.

I told my sister this and she said "Apalah you kakak! Just say that you said "DUCK"!"
I thought that was a pretty sane thing to do, and in an effort to change, then on, I started saying "duck" instead of F***. So, it was "Oh Duck! , Duck Off!, What the Duck?, Where's the Ducking whatever?, Let's duck!! (ha!ha! joking only lah!)

I thought this "duck" thing worked until, one day, I dropped a cup at home and shouted "OHHH DUCK!".

N junior comes running and excitedly says "WHERE?? WHERE??" hoping, of course, to find a real duck wandering in the kitchen.

I was dumbfounded. I'd better stop "ducking" around! AND..remind me never to listen to my little sister again!

SO, what do I say to N Junior? I didn't say anything then, there was this "blank" look on my face. I guess, he'll learn eventually, the hard truth, about life, you know, that Barney is not really a purple dinosaur and that he doesn't really exist, that real people cannot be Power Rangers and that when Mama says "Duck!" she really means....errr.."F***"?

Gasak lah.

Kan?

NYs Wedding

When I was at NY's nikah reception a few weeks back , I was somewhat a little in a daze by the person that she has become. It took us an hour before we could congratulate and snap photos with her cos she was surrounded by hords of reporters and photographers the whole time. I was a in a bit of a shock then, and after that experience, I should have been prepared for the next reception, but, I definitely, was not!

The wedding venue was swarming with reporters, TV personalities, VIPs etc. As I stepped into the beautifully decorated garden, I almost had to pinch myself a few times to convince myself that it was all for real, that I was really at NY's wedding and that NY has become something of a personality, ie. she has fans and she is famous.

The whole time, I was sitting there, it seemed unreal. Could it be that NY, one of my best buddies from school was really now a celebrity, an idol to some?

MW, me and Jar

It was a beautiful night though and I was in good company. MW (my other best buddy) Jar, a lifetime friend, both from Tun Fatimah days and I had promised to sit together and we had a great laugh reminiscing on the good ol days at school. Watching NY walk down the aisle, none of us could believe it was her. A girl who once had out of fashion permed hair AND braces. Something like duckling turned into a beautiful swan! That night, NY looked radiant and beautiful, almost like a princess. She looked perfect, in fact.

I somehow wish though that the wedding was a more personal one. One where perhaps, NY could possibly spend more time catching up with friends and family. But that's just me. It was of course, perhaps, the most beautiful wedding I've ever been too and I do hope most importantly, that NY got the wedding of her dreams!

N and I

N said, towards the end of the night, "do you think you'll have to fight through the crowd to get a picture with your NY?" Me: "I don't know, but this doesn't look promising.." (yeah..it took an hour before and the crowd was much much smaller then!!)

I did, however, get a photo and a hug from NY in the end.

As we hugged I said "You look so beautiful!"
NY said " It's all makeup. It's really just me underneath"

I went for a second hug before I left the stage. If I could, I would have hugged her for an hour longer, for old times sake, and for whatever else, cos I really don't know when I'll see her again...or even whether I will have a decent conversation with her in the next 10 years or so. Some people tell me to just watch her on TV to lepaskan rindu but that doesn't compensate. If I could.. I'd wrap up NY and MW and put them in bag to carry with me wherever I go! But that's insane lah kan?

Later, after a night if great talking and laughter, I hugged and kissed MW and Jar goodbye, I reflected on what NY said earlier. What she said wasn't all that right. Yes, it was a lot of makeup, the only thing is, she really is beautiful, inside and out. And she will always be so.

SO to NY, here's to a wonderful life of wedded bliss and may we see many, many little NY and Aidid juniors coming your way soon!!!

And...thanks for letting us be the first to take photos with you!

Next time we meet, I'll need an autograph!

the raja sehari

Girls, would you tell??

Since we're on the subject of relationships, I have a question for you ladies out there. An interesting sms came my way a few months back with this question.

"If you knew that your friend's husband was cheating on her, would you tell her?"

It took me a while to digest and then respond to this question. As usual, I'd put myself in the poor lady's shoes. Would I want to know or would I not? Should I want to know and then were told, what would I do? If I did not ever know, would I miss out on anything?

I have never been able to imagine N cheating on me. We're really high on trust. And (simpang malaikat) I don't think he'd do it..as long as I am good to him too of course! N is probably the type, that if he were to "pasang" a girlfriend, he'd probably TELL me about it. He couldn't tell a lie and there are always tell-tale signs if he were lying or that he's uncomfortable, like he'd cough. for example;

N : I nak *cough* keluar kejap *cough*
Me: Where to?
N : *cough* jumpa "member" (N's friends are all "members" with no names)*cough*
Me : Do I know this member?
N : *cough*cough*n-o*cough* ok, bye!

So, I'd know. After 5 years of marriage, I'd really know. He maybe "macho" and all, but lying ain't his forte. I do know though that N, is a big risk taker and that he wouldn't think twice, if he thought it were right, to hook up with another one. Especially if he keeps his part of the deal and I did not, especially if I did not perform my wifely duties, like you know, making sure food is on the table when he comes home from work most of the time, making sure he's got nicely pressed clothes for work, take good care of the kids, be faithful, truthful, etc.etc..and of course perform the all important ehem..ehemm..*cough*cough* bedroom lambada every now and then*COUGH*COUGH*COUUGGHHHHH*!!. But having said that, I know it would be hard for N to do so, and such move would only be made, due to extreme, dire need for another female's companionship (yeah..it'd better!)

Would I want to know? Again, this is a hot "teh-tarik" topic. Mimi, my teh tarik sista says, "what would you do if you know? Is there any point of knowing, if you don't know what to do after finding out? Unless you know EXACTLY what you want to do after finding out, then you maybe should not know." Ina on the other hand, "definitely wants to know". I suppose she's got a game plan.

And if you did find out, would you want to find out who the ***TCH is? Would you want to see how she looked like? Would you want to know if she is prettier than you? More beautiful, more...sexy? WOuld you want to know, what they did when they went out? WOuld you, when you find out who she is, plead for her to leave your husband alone?

Or would you give her a show of some top form black belt karate kicks?
And..give her a taste of hair pulling action?
..Before (or after) you give your "dearly beloved" a few kicks BELOW THE BELT?
ANd then..chop off his "members"?

Would it be worse for you to find out, when at home he is still the perfect doting husband and father..and has never changed from day one of marriage? Given that, would you want to know? WOuld it be worth the heartache of finding out? What if, it were just a one time fling for dear hubby, a one-off thing that would never happen again..because he still loves you more than anything, would you still want to know? If you were to find out, and then forgive..Would it ever be the same again? Would you be able to live with it?


I guess people make mistakes, and sometimes admitting or voluntarily telling the truth on such matters is not the best solution to this. Should a woman be told that her husband is having a fling or affair? I don't know. If the woman is happy and content with the marriage, perhaps not. If the man seems to genuinely, still be in love with the wife, then perhaps she shouldn't be told. There are many things in a couple's relationship that we as outsiders do not know, therefore would not understand.

WOuld I tell the girl that the husband was having an affair? Perhaps not. If she were a good friend, I'd probably give her some subtle advise, somehow.

WOuld I want to know if MY hubby were having an affair?

Maybe.

Some say, ignorance is bliss though.

But..I'm signing up for karate anyway!

Join me?

On Divorce and Poligamy and Etc Etc

Atenah started this, and now I have to blog about it too.

My teh tarik pals and I find this a frequent hot topic for discussion when we meet. So, what do you do if your husband decides to marry another one?

Do you leave...or NOT?
Do you fight for him..or not?
Do you share him with the other woman.. or not?

Whether we like it or not, it is soomething, everyone in a marriage/relationship thinks about. It is real, and it is serious.

I know a person, who married his second one not too long ago. I asked him why he did it, and his answer was simple and straight, "because I can AFFORD it". He didn't want to divorce Wife #1, but she filed for one anyway..and they are going through proceedings as I write this.

Should I put myself in her shoes..Right now, at this current moment, in my position right now, on a first instict sorta thing..I'd have done the same. But should I take it a little further, I'd think again, it's easier said than done. SO much is at stake, the kids, your extended family, friends, in fact your whole life that you've built together. Can you just pack up and leave, just like that?

In my chats on this with my teh tarik pals, I have told them that if my husband were to want to marry another, I'd just say GO AHEAD and in fact, lay a red carpet for him to do so.(NAUZUBILLAH tho' and I'd probably kill N first at the very mention of it!!) I told them..I'm not and would not be so hard up for a person who does not want me. (errr..that's the sombong and riak "me" talking).

It's scary isn't it, when you find that men take up second wives because they can AFFORD it? I mean, is that right? I'm sure a million men out there could financially afford more wives than one and if everyone were to think like this friend of mine..what would happen to this world?? But I'm sure when God said Muslim men can take up 4 wives, he had a zillion conditions attached to it..(most of which we do not hear of today) and the most important being the fact that you have to be FAIR. Its almost impossible to be FAIR. And its something that I think a lot of muslim men take lightly.. Fairness is not only in the amount of material wealth you provide for your wives but it has got to be in every single sense..and that's gotta be tough. Can you be fair in the amount of love that you give your wives and lets not get into sex! Think twice guys!

I know a lady whose husband married a second and the second wife got pregnant. This lady I know immediately went to the husband and said, I want a baby too. Imagine? Having to have sex and produce a child, just because..you have to equalise stuff you do. Tough, I say especially when you're almost 50!

Another guy I know who took up a second one goes a bit overboard with his fairness. One week he takes his first wife and kids for a holiday at some resort. The week after, he goes back to the same resort, same room with his second wife. All in the name of fairness. I think he's nuts.

Some people think its normal, to have many wives and that it should not be questioned. I agree, it shouldn't be questionned if it is done for the right reasons and in the right way. Otherwise, it is NOT normal. How can you subject your children to having "part-time" fathers and/or mothers when other kids have their parents all the time?. How do you expect your wives to sleep and have sex with you knowing that you will go home to another woman the next night, and repeat the same, without her feeling the tiniest bit of hurt and sadness? Someone loses out at the end of the day..and when that happens..it can't be right, can it?

I suppose for us women, to ask for a divorce is easily said and done, if you have a lot of money and you know exactly what to do straight after, but we're not always in that position.

Then again, to not ask for a divorce, will only bring heartache (for me at least), because, I wouldn't be able to live with a part-time husband, and wouldn't be able to watch my kids suffer going through the separation and having a part-time dad. Its just not right.


To put things straight, I am not putting men at blame for all this. It takes two to tango and there are women who cause households to shatter too. I just think that people today take marriage for granted without realising that its hard..hard work. We probably marry for the wrong reasons. Is LOVE a good enough reason to marry, will LOVE see us through "till-death-do-us part"?

Having said all I have said.. I still do not know for sure what I'd do if such decisions have to cross my path. Maybe I am still naive in my thoughts. Maybe someone out there could shed some light and perspective on this??

N, however, is very simple when it comes to this. He says..

"then we just have to make it work, don't we?"

Oprah's Interview

Last week Oprah's show was somewhat a wake up call for me. She interviewed Gwyneth Paltrow on her newly embraced life as a mother and somewhere down the interview..Oprah says "So is it true that you don't have a nanny?"..Gwyneth says" Yes, its true I don't have a nanny"..and the crowd claps and claps forever and ever..
She goes on to say something about she doesn't care if she never works again after having the baby and that the reason why she doesn't have one now is that so that she can spend all the time in the world with baby Apple cos a time will come when/if she starts working and that will (the full time bonding) probably end..somewhat.

Why did it stir something in me that night? I don't know..It just brought waves of guilt from somewhere within me. Hey, it was GWYNETH PALTROW saying that she could do it without a nanny and she was in fact doing it without a nanny. Wow.

And here I am..konon-kononnya Supermom. The truth is..I have help, and MORE help than most.. I have not one but TWO maids. One especially for the kids and one for the housekeeping!

You think I am pampered? I probably am..but not by choice..I think!

The ONE question that went through my mind after listening to that interview was:

WHY CAN'T I DO THE SAME?
Financially, I believe N is stable enough to support the family should I decide to quit my job. Problem is..N is against me NOT working. He's probably the only husband in Malaysia who does not want his wife to quit working. He even told me once that if he were to retire early, I could go on working but not now..D has to work!

It is me too.. I find that my job keeps me sane. I hope that makes sense!? At work, I find a profound sense of satisfaction, I love the people I work with, I love the work that I do. And I'd hate to leave this job. Its a world away from my other world..and in a wierd way, a confort zone of sorts.

Having said that, every day when I am in the office, at exactly 11.45 I'd call home..cos that's when Baby N is back from school, just to hear his voice, tho he still doesn't/cannot say proper words. And then again at 12.30 I'd call, cos that's when N Junior is home from school just to see what he was up to during the morning. And I'd do that every next hour until I go home. My heart is always with my boys..

The "Domestic Help" that I have, they are like family to me.. In fact, they ARE a blessing cos at least when I do get home, I just concentrate on the boys and N..But do I really need 2? Do I really have to have help?

And most important of all.. wouldn't the most rewarding thing in life be to be at home with my two sons and personally going through each day with them?? What more do I want? Am I being selfish that I want to have a life away from home? And could I really do it without help???

Of course I don't have the kind of money that Gwyneth has to be able to throw my career away and say "I don't give a toss!" and I know I am NOT Gwyneth Paltrow in the first place..

But she really made me think.. What more am I waiting for?

Why can't I do the right thing?????

My N is Sick

I think my N is not well and that he hasn't been well since he turned 40. If you have been reading my blog, you'd probably have read about how N is not romantic and never remembers important dates etc..etc..

That has changed..somewhat.

This year when N turned forty sometime in January, we celebrated our 5th anniversary. So like previous years, we took ourselves out for a meal.. Its a bit of a confusion for us, you know..who will belanja who, since it is HIS birthday but our anniversary too. In the past, it would be me who'd take him out to dinner, and we'd go to another place for dessert, which would be on him.

This year, as we exchanged kisses on our 5th anniversary, I asked him.."where do you want to go today? Since its your birthday?" He said, "what do you mean? It's OUR day." That threw me off balance a wee bit. N has never been into this "US" and "WE" concept being the overly macho person he is. I suppose that comes from being a bujang terlajak..he's lived his life alone for so long, that when I came into the picture, he was still talking in "singular" terms. This "US-OUR-WE" concept was new.. Happy 2005??

SO that evening after our meal, he asked me.."what do you want as an anniversary gift?" HUH? Wierd..My darling has never been into gifts either.. He always says that you don;t have to wait for an occasion to give each other gifts. Me, being me, I said "Nothing". I was never into gifts either and he'd already bought me a few handbags during our holiday in Rome just 2 weeks before (which was a surprise too!)..so felt a bit guilty to say that I wanted anything. I asked him why he was so into this particular anniversary.. He replied, "Its special, its our 5th" Sighh..never knew he had it in him. I wanted to buy him something, but N hates it when I buy things for him..He tells me that I shouldn't waste my money etc..etc.. SO he told me that if I ever wanted to buy him something, it would have to be a ROLEX. Yeah right! Not like I can afford one now and he knew it! So we ended up having ice cream instead..on me.

And he got a bit weirder after. We went for a karaoke session, just the two of us a few nights later. He said to me, "lets sing this song. It will be our song." I guess after one song, he thought it sounded good but needed practice and urged me to sing it again, so that it sounded good enough for us to sing together, at other karaoke outings with friends, or at birthday functions. So now, we have OUR song. Won't tell you what it is..but if you ever find us singing some song together..it will be THAT song! Sighh...a bit CORNY lah... but sweet kan?

Last month, it was my birthday..and you know, he NEVER remembers my birthday! We had come home late the day before my birthday and it was close to midnight when I decided to take a shower before bed. I had forgotten that it was my birthday the next day and when I came out from the shower a bit after midnight, he grinned and said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"!

I almost fainted!

What is it with him this year?

And just last weekend, we were driving in the car home from work. He mentioned something about it being Mother's Day that weekend. I just said "yeah" and forgot about the whole thing until yesterday. We were just relaxing at home watching our boys play, when suddenly N says "Ok everybody, get ready..we're going for a Mother's Day dinner". I could feel myself almost pass-out, yet once again!

SO WHAT IS IT WITH N???

Don't get me wrong..It's not that I don't like this change, I do..I really do. Is the real N coming out for show now after 5 years of marriage? or is it time that I get suspicious? Hmmmmm... Naaaah!

N is getting sweeter as the years pass by. Maybe its just us finally getting to know each other really-really well, deep-deep down. MAybe this is the REAL him and that he's finally comfortable enough with me to let the ice melt.

Maybe its age catching up on him.. He always says that life starts at 40..and he always tells me with a certain tone of seriousness "My life JUST started D"..I wonder what he really means.

Someone told me that I've been good to N, so I am getting "goodness" in return. ANother someone told me that my new "three-series" age "is precisely when I get sexier", thus...(good things happen??)

Hmmmmm...maybe its THAT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Whatever it is, N, if you are truly "unwell" its one sickness I hope you don't recover from as long as you're comfortable being sick like this.
And I hope that's not too much to ask for.

Cos, you know what?

I'm loving every minute of it...

The Cards on the Fridge

Last Friday, I came back from work late, it was something like 2.30am. As usual..my first stop was the fridge, to get a big glass of juice before I head upstairs to sweet slumberland. I noticed two lonely cards held by the fridge magnets..it said
"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY". From my little sweetlings.

I was touched to the point of almost sobbing.

I went upstairs into their bedroom..they were so still, quiet and serene lost somewhere in dreamland...as always in their little Batman suits. I kissed their foreheads, promising them a better mother tomorrow.

The cards were my first Mother's Day cards.

But, I am not worthy.

MW, NY and I

I have two great friends, MW and NY whom I always refer to as my BEST friends. Hubby, N, says, that's not really accurate cos BEST should only be ONE not TWO. But I insist..when it comes to the three of us pals, we all agree, we're the bestest of friends.

We are really quite quite strange says N for we call ourselves best friends but hardly ever ever meet. I suppose its mainly because of our schedules, myself, always busy with work and when I am not at work..I am with the family spending my quality time, MW also the same and busy holidaying every now and then with her hubby, I always say that they've perpetually been on a pro-longed honeymoon for the last three years and NY, waaaahh..she's worse than the Prime Minister and George W Bush rolled into one! Always everywhere and anywhere at the oddest timesand busy, busy, busy ALL THE TIME..But thats how it is with NY.

Of the three, I was the first to marry, followed by MW 2 years later. Last Thursday, the last of the three tied the knot with the man of her life..Good excuse for the three best pals to meet after not being together for THREE years. The last meeting being at MW's wedding and before that at mine! NY waiting..
done deal!

I watched NY marry with a sense of sadness, I believe MW felt the same too. Not sad that she was marrying but sad (in a "Syahdu" way?) that we've suddenly grown up into WOMEN.GOne are the days when we were 13 year olds at Tun Fatimah.. Laughing and giggling away without a care. All that was important then was just...US.

NY used to be the one always writing letters to boyfriends (yes, it was in plural) at other boarding schools..with me always busy...editing her letters! MW was always the beauty queen..and me, I was always the more serious one..
MW and I.

We left school and went our own ways. MW and I ended up in the same uni and NY was flung far away. But the strangest and loveliest thing of all was that it never affected us and the friendship we had..Even if we had not met for years, it would still be the same..we probably have never changed.

And now here we are..all married and Puan Something's to En Something's. It sucks, really, to have grown up..but I suppose we have become somewhat great women in our own rights. Maybe, I was sad watching NY marry, probably knowing that with marriage we'd see each other less. It actually takes one of us to get married for us to meet..and now, there's no more left to marry!

But hey, I guess its alright, for we've been through this a million times and we'll always be the same. Its somehow too late to turn around now! So to MW and NY, here's to a life-long friendship and do know that although we'll probably see each other at N junior's wedding something like 20 years down the road... I'll still be here and that my prayers are with you girls each and every day..

ME, NY and MW

Conversations with N Junior

n junior : mama why are you crying?
mama (pretending to cry) : cos I have no more money after buying you all those
chocolates.
n junior : don't cry mama.. later, i will telephone the taxi man and go to the
kedai and buy you a CD.
mama : but what CD will you buy me?
n junior : how about Power Rangers? you are Red Power Rangers and I am the Blue One
mama : But you don't have any money
n junior : No.. I have banyak! I'll show you.

After a very short wait, he proudly shows me the money..in Papa's wallet.

Pandai anak mama..




N Junior : Mama, Natasya (his classmate) says GIRLS HAVE FLOWERS and BOYS HAVE BIRDS
Mama (a bit terkejut with his statement) : What do you mean?
N Junior : I said, Natasya says GIRLS HAVE FLOWERS and BOYS HAVE BIRDS
Mama : Is that so?
N Junior : But I don't have a bird. Can you go and buy me one tomorrow at the kedai?
Mama : But why?
N Junior : Because I SAID GIRLS HAVE FLOWERS AND BOYS HAVE BIRDS. Natasya said so.
I DON'T HAVE A BIRD. Please mama..Buy me a bird ok?
Mama : I think Natasya meant something else
N Junior with a big sigh : Tak nak cakap dengan mama lah!

I didn't handle it well I guess. I do think Natasya was referring to female and male private parts. RIGHT??? N Junior hasn't grasped this "sexuality" concept yet. Maybe its because in our family whether its a male or a female, your genitals are called "tun-tun" (pronounced "toon-toon"). Why? I don't know, that's just how it is.. So how do you explain female and male concepts to a 4 year old like him?? Flowers and birds are a bit too complicated analogies for kids his age.

I wonder if Natasya walks around school with flowers?

Maybe, I should by him a bird anyway?

PRICK!

Prick! Prick! Prick! BIG TIME-ROYAL-P A I N I N T H E B U T T- PRICK!

That's all I had screaming in my head since the time I met him. Oh yes, a prick he was indeed!

What's this all about? Oh..just a person I met recently at an event I was helping someone out with. Mr P (of course P=PRICK) was a celebrity of sorts whom was to take a major part in the event that day. So, like all events, we had a rehearsal where Mr P and his co-partner were to attend. Mr P being the ROYAL pain he is..in true Malaysian fashion decided to come late (rehearsals were to start at 10am) for the rehearsals and had a team of VVIPS waiting for HIM for the rehearsals to begin. And Mr P didn't even bother to call or apologise. After called by the event Host (some Mr VIP), Mr P said he'll be just a few minutes..which turned into an hour..which turned into a no show on his part. Very "professional" indeed.

The night of the event came and this is where I upgrade him to HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS P. He turns up just half an hour before the function (when everybody else was there at least an hour and a half before) and when he was introduced to me, he shook my hand without even looking at me. He then started to complain on just about everything AND everything and that everybody BUT him does not know what they are doing and decides to change things. Not only that, he complains to all the guests at the table that the event was badly run IN FRONT of me. Tak berhati perut and tak de rasa guilty langsung manusia ni and tak sedar diri! And how outrageously RUDE! If he had issues with the event managers or the organisers, he could have brought it up privately, but he had to bitch at his table in front of the guests whom I don't think he even knew. I mean..he has NO RIGHT to complain when he didn;t attend the rehearsals and was not there to discuss the proceedings etc..etc.. Who is he anyway to say such things?? Just because he is a celebrity and well known?? well kiss MY A**!

And hey, I could have just answered him there and then while he was busy bitching away, just to point out to the lovely datos and datins at the table that HE NEVER turned up for rehearsals where everything was discussed and formalised and therefore should just shut his big fat mouth up, but that would have just made him look bad..and what more, that's his periuk nasi. I wasn;t going to stoop THAT low to his standards anyway. So I just kept my head up and smiled..As far as I was concerned, everything was going swell (the event that is) and my conscience was clear. (am convinced I have a halo on top of my head now and will go to heaven for being so..so sabar! :) )


At the end of the night, the event was a MAJOR, I repeat MAJOR success and everybody who came loved it. And I was happy..what The Prick did, didn't affect me the least bit, because I am sure, people could see through him..all talk ONLY. I have to say though, I was really honestly disappointed with his attitude. I have read and heard so many great things about him and one of the reasons why I agreed to help with that event was to meet him and the lady who would be his partner for the night. I HAD a lot of admiration for him before, but at the first word we exchanged, all that was just lost! In fact, I was almost embarassed for him. For he probably lives in a dream world where, (he thinks) everybody puts him high on a pedestal and that nothing he says or does shall harm him and that's sad. Maybe that's true - for now..but at the rate he is going, he won;t be around for long! He really isn't being honest to himself or to the people whom are paying him (a lot!) for his services. The least he could've done is be professional..attend the rehearsals on time, discuss things that he does not agree with and work together with the rest of his team like his partner did. Now SHE was the perfect embodiment of a professional and I shall always have great-great respect for her after this.


As for the Prick. All I have to say is this..

What goes round comes around.

Your time will come - you just watch out!